"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
