Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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