I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
