my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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