I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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