The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
