He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
