do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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