I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
