I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
