just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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