The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
