just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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