Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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