If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
