Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
