Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
