Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its not stalking. its research.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
