I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
