just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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