Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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