I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
