I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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