In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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