why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
