yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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