i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Someone signed my nipple.
Shame - the story of my life.
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