i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
