Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
