My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
