This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
