No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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