she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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