He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
