It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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