You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
