I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
