david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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