I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize