Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
