I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
