He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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