I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
