....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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