no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
