I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
