Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
