dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
