im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sober January is a disaster.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize