you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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