This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
