Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
