Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
