And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
