Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
