Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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