I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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