if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
