bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
