Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
