Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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