This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
