Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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