Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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