"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
