He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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