Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize