that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
