So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
