would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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