i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
