Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
