sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
