I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
