something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
