at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
