My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
