Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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