is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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