no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
