Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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