so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
