im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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