booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize