im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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