I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize