five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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