Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
