I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
