Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
