she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize