My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
