How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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