My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
