My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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