mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
