shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
