if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
