he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
