The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
