I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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