I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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