and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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