im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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