There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
