He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
