Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
