who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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