Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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