i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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