Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
