I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am midnight drunk by noon
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
