somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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