farters have to be the big spoon...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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